I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
