she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? šš
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was all āplease donāt bail because Iām missing work for thisā last night
Honey no, I need dick. Iām not going to bail
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
