The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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