Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
