i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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