Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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