I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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