Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
