I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We have started to decorate penises.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
