It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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