woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize