Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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