You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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