This dress was meant to end up on your floor
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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