didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
