you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
