I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
