I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
