and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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