shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
