I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
my poor anus
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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