Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
