Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I met the friendliest cop last night
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
