I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i may or may not be watching the land before time
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
