Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
