does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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