in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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