and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
