I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
