In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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