I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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