How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
