his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
