doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
