so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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