I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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