Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
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I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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