I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
