His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
