Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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