ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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