dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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