I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize