Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize