Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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