Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
