I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
