that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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