mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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