I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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