we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
