Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
