I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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