But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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