You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I fill condoms, not promises.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
