Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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