So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
