I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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