so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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