Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
