Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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