I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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