I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Randomize
