Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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