Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
