I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
