well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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