Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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