A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
