I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I touched a dick in church today
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
