why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
