btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
there was a trapeze. enough said
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
