I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Floor bacon is actually really good
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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