What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
